Answers to questions you didn't know you had, for problems that may not exist in your dimension.
If your question isn't answered here, it may not have an answer. Some things are unknowable by design.
Simply download the app and begin the Awakening Ritual (registration). You'll need to provide: a preferred manifestation (photo or psychic projection), your cult affiliations, and an apocalypse radius. The process takes about 3 minutes for mortals, or one cosmic breath for elder entities.
If the app asks you to "gaze into the void," do so. It's part of the verification process. If the void gazes back, congratulations - you've been verified.
Summon is a standard psychic ping that lets the other entity know you're interested. It's the equivalent of a polite tentacle wave across the dimensional membrane.
Super Summon is a more intense ritual that places your profile at the top of their queue and arrives with a subtle eldritch glow. Use sparingly - you get a limited number per lunar cycle, and overuse may cause involuntary astral bonding.
Our Banishment feature performs a soft banishment, which gently returns the user to the abyss. However, some entities are resistant to soft banishment, particularly those with high madness frequencies or ancient binding contracts.
If a banished entity persists, try the following: (1) Re-banish with increased conviction, (2) Report the user to our Trust & Madness team, or (3) Upgrade to the Eldritch Extreme Platinum Plan, which includes Hard Banishment - a more thorough exile that works across up to 7 dimensions.
Note: If the entity appearing is Nyarlathotep, there is nothing we can do. He goes where he pleases.
No. Cthindr recognizes shape-shifting as a legitimate form of self-expression. However, you must disclose if your current form is borrowed, stolen, or an involuntary manifestation of someone else's fever dream. Transparency about your tentacle count (±15% accuracy) is also required.
If you have 1,000 faces, you may list up to 1,000 profile photos. We recommend curating down to your best 12 manifestations. First impressions matter, even in the abyss.
First: don't panic. Panic attracts them. Second: check if the match was mutual. If you accidentally tapped Summon on an Outer God and they Summoned you back, you are now cosmically entangled. This is binding across all timelines.
Eldritch Extreme Platinum subscribers may use their one (1) Ritual Rejection Undo per lunar cycle to reverse the match. Free-tier users may attempt to unmatch by submitting a formal petition to the Esoteric Order of Dagon. Allow 6–8 aeons for processing.
Pro tip: Many of our most successful relationships started as accidental Outer God matches. Keep an open mind. Or at least, whatever's left of it.
Per Clause 23 of our Terms, devouring a match without prior written consent is strictly prohibited. Partial devouring (less than 30% by mass) may be forgiven on the first offense if a sincere apology is tendered and the devoured portions are returned in reasonable condition.
Please report the incident to our Trust & Madness team. Include: which portions were devoured, whether you'd like them back, and your preferred method of conflict resolution (mediation, binding arbitration, or trial by combat in the Dreamlands).
And yes, it is a red flag.
Navigate to Settings → Account → Descend Into Oblivion. You'll be prompted to confirm by typing your True Name backwards under a new moon. If you don't know your True Name, our system can reveal it to you for a one-time fee of $6.66 or one (1) goat.
Warning: Due to the non-linear nature of our database, account deletion may cause you to cease to have ever existed. Cthindr is not responsible for retroactive existential nullification. Most users find it's easier to just stop opening the app.
Absolutely! Approximately 12% of our user base is fully mortal, and another 34% started out mortal before using the app. We pride ourselves on inclusivity across all states of existence.
Mortal users should be aware that extended exposure to the app may cause: a growing appreciation for non-Euclidean geometry, cravings for calamari, dreams in R'lyehian, and a general sense that the universe is vast and uncaring. Most users report this as a net positive.
Exorcism requests can be submitted via the Contact (Séance) form below. Please include: the name of the entity requiring exorcism, your preferred denomination of exorcist (Catholic, Buddhist, Druidic, or Non-Denominational Cosmic), and whether the possession is romantic in nature (this affects our jurisdiction).
Please note that exorcisms performed as a result of Cthindr usage are not covered under warranty. Our complimentary exorcism service is available only to Eldritch Extreme Platinum subscribers and is limited to one (1) exorcism per fiscal aeon.
Dating cosmic horrors comes with unique challenges. These tips may help. Or they may not. Free will is largely an illusion.
For first dates, always choose a well-populated dimension with reliable exits. Avoid pocket dimensions, sealed realms, and anywhere described as "between the angles of time." Coffee shops in Dimension 3 (ours) are a safe bet.
Tell a friend, familiar, or cult leader where you'll be - including the dimensional coordinates. If your date suggests moving to a location that "doesn't technically exist yet," politely decline.
Set boundaries around how much eldritch knowledge you're willing to absorb on a first date. It's okay to say, "I'd rather not gaze into the infinite abyss until at least the third date." Pacing is key.
If something feels wrong, it probably is. The cosmic dread you feel on every date is normal. But if it spikes dramatically, leave immediately. Your fight-or-flight response was not designed for entities with more than 8 tentacles.
No matter how charming they are. No matter how many dimensions they rule. Your True Name is yours. Anyone asking for it on a first date is, at best, inconsiderate and at worst attempting to bind your soul for eternity.
Ensure your beverages have not been laced with: potions of binding, elixirs of madness, or non-consensual enlightenment serums. If your drink starts glowing or whispering, send it back.
If your date produces a contract, scroll, or blood pact of any kind, do NOT sign it without consulting the Esoteric Order of Dagon (Legal Aid Division). Romance and binding interdimensional contracts should remain separate.
If a user threatens you, devours part of you, or attempts to initiate an unauthorized apocalypse, report them to our Trust & Madness team immediately. You deserve a safe swiping experience, even in the abyss.
Join our thriving communities and connect with fellow cosmic romantics.
Chat about dating, matches, and the crushing weight of existence. All entities welcome. Keep it civil - no unsolicited prophecies.
Share your Cthindr love stories! From "we matched and it was nice" to "we've merged into a single consciousness and couldn't be happier."
Get tips from experienced daters across all dimensions. Topics range from "how to flirt with tentacles" to "my partner exists outside of time, how do we schedule dates?"
A safe space for human users who are still adjusting to dating outside their species. "Is it normal to feel existential dread?" Yes. Yes it is.
Report issues, flag concerns, and get support from our moderation team. Staffed 24/7 across all time zones and temporal anomalies.
Recipe sharing for cross-species couples. This week: "Calamari - Respectful or Offensive? A Heated Debate." Also: casseroles that survive dimensional rifts.
Reach out through your preferred method of interdimensional communication.
For general inquiries, billing questions, and existential crises.
Think your question loudly near any body of salt water. We'll receive it.
For legal matters, exorcism requests, and appeals against banishment.
For urgent matters. Requires: 5 candles, a mirror, and a willingness to accept what answers.
Follow us for updates, dating tips, and the occasional cryptic prophecy.
If you are in immediate danger from a match or an ongoing apocalypse.